Memorandum
To: Archbishop Rowan WilliamsFrom: Preludium
Re: Lambeth Invitations.
Given all the current fuss, and remembering your privilege, we suggest changing the criteria re invitations to Lambeth 2008.
Remembering that all bishops are part of the created order, they can be separated into two groups on the basis of navel type:
Innies and Outies.
Our suggestion is that:
(i) You invite all the innies;
(ii) You disinvite all the outies;
(iii) Your office devise a discrete screening process at Lambeth to certify status;
(iv) That you commission a group to initiate changes in the Nicene Creed such that added to the belief in the one holy catholic and apostolic church be inserted the belief that the faith can be held truly only by innies. Discussion of this doctrinal change could be added to the agenda of the non binding discussions at Lambeth.
This should then allow you to exercise privilege, inviting some and not others, but on the basis of random conditions of bishops, and with clear criteria. Point four will give Lambeth something to argue about.
We know you will find this solution of value, so we anticipate your note of gratitude and with the hearty voice of fellowship, say, "You are welcome."
We remain your humble servant, PRELUDIUM.
(i) You invite all the innies;
(ii) You disinvite all the outies;
(iii) Your office devise a discrete screening process at Lambeth to certify status;
(iv) That you commission a group to initiate changes in the Nicene Creed such that added to the belief in the one holy catholic and apostolic church be inserted the belief that the faith can be held truly only by innies. Discussion of this doctrinal change could be added to the agenda of the non binding discussions at Lambeth.
This should then allow you to exercise privilege, inviting some and not others, but on the basis of random conditions of bishops, and with clear criteria. Point four will give Lambeth something to argue about.
We know you will find this solution of value, so we anticipate your note of gratitude and with the hearty voice of fellowship, say, "You are welcome."
We remain your humble servant, PRELUDIUM.
Why do I suspect that someplace there's a plastic surgeon now thinking about taking out an advertisement in Episcopal Life magazine to "convert" bishops!
ReplyDeleteDear Mark,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. I keep trying to remember that much of this is silliness; unfortunately, silliness that hurts and damages, but silliness nonetheless. And, for me at least, the ability to laugh at slliness is a great source of strength (because the "emperer" really isn't wearing any clothes).
Blessings,
Barbara
I remember an old Donald Duck comic book that had a story dealing with the philosophy of "Flippism." Flippism proposed that all decisions be made by flipping a coin, and the story recounted the interesting results of Scrooge McDuck applying the teachings of Flippism.
ReplyDeleteSurely the ABC could give this one a try. Then all he would have to say is that he had no choice; heads you're in, tails you're out.
Well, finally! A solution that makes sense. The answer was hiding in plain sight. How could we have missed it?
ReplyDeleteO.K. I'm an "innie." If I were a bishop and rightly insisted in coming ONLY as a guest, what to do?... what to do? Would a plastic surgeon be able to take away my "shame"? Make me a "flattie"?
ReplyDeletequack, quack!
Fun!
ReplyDeleteHowever, I've found that "preservers" and "pioneers" (or "pathfinders" etc.) are quite useful terms that fit church, political, and most other groupings. Each of the two has its own "schools of thought" and levels of intensity.
Unfortunately if you have had abdominal surgery through your belly button you can have your innie transformed into a sort of outie. Should we discriminate against people who have been outed through no fault of their own? Could this be considered an act of God?
ReplyDeleteKind of like Seuss's Star Bellied Sneeches...
ReplyDeleteMark! To think that I have at times refrained from commenting here because I thought you had a serious blog, and my comment was a little flip. Never again!
ReplyDeleteIt is sort of a shame that this inspired approach to Lambeth came to you after the rev Mr. Falwell passed on. We have no one to tell us that an outie is a sign of sexual choice! Oh wait, I guess I just did.....
ReplyDeleteFWIW
jimB
Richard Nolan, I love your "preservers" and "pathfinders" nomenclature; it's much easier to keep straight than Kendall's "reasserters" and "reappraisers."
ReplyDeleteCher Grandmere,
ReplyDeleteserious needn't mean solemn: tsk tsk. As your lovely idea for a coming out party bears eloquent witness.
the everlovin'
Clumber,
ReplyDeleteOr a Swedish study about the health risks of alternative naval types?
Brilliant, Mark! So ... because I'm an out lesbian with an "innie," I get to be an insider in the Anglican Communion. "Free at last, free at last ..."
ReplyDeleteI wonder: With all the data Louie Crew has gathered and maintains about the bishops of the Anglican Communion, where's the page where he lists the navel status of each bishop? I sure hope KJS is an "innie."
24 JUne 2007 (even tide)
ReplyDeleteA study of Sun Rays (Crespuscular)
Running to find the end of the rainbow.
Running to find that shaft glory--to be bathed in light.
Bearing the soul to the divine.
Seeking rest, surcease and cleansing all at once.
Faith like a waterfall--full, abundant and never ceasing.
25 June 2007
Faith like a dream.
Steadfast like a rock among the rapids.
Quickly before the moment has passed
Look into the water and see the gathering malestrom in the deep.
Faith like a million droplets in a summer storm.
Take delight in the rain.
Move and have your being in it.
"Be still and know that I am God."
26 June 2007
Clouds on glass.