I’ll know more than I ever wanted to later, but for now it is enough to say that much of my attention turns to the unwelcome visitor and days ahead that are even less in my control than usual. I’m a bit in reactive mode just now, but God willing will turn more proactive as possibilities for treatment emerge.
Cancer is not another name for death, but I am aware that cancer often deadens the life force. So my most proactive work right now is (i) to pay attention to the work Kathryn and family and I, and lots of health care people, have to do dealing with the cancer(s) and (ii) to pay attention to living creatively and with imagination.
It also means that in this next period I will need to focus on these things and not others. So I will be resigning from a variety of civic and religious committees and stepping back a bit from the busyness of life. But conversely I will hopefully step forward with at least some grace into those dangerous areas where body and spirit are tested.
So, I’m dealing. Kathryn’s dealing.
What I need from friends is your dealing too. We will no doubt need help dealing with life not in control. I know I will need friendship and love. I will mostly need compassion.
What I don’t need is too many questions, too many assumptions, too many solutions. Dealing is not rescue. Dealing is not avoiding death (which is really bad theology.) Dealing is a sacred walk. It is an example of the journey being the destination, which is about God NOW.
So…pray with me for a good walk, perhaps walking away from the unwelcome visitor, perhaps walking with it, but a good walk none the less, in which holiness and loving kindness is present. I’ll pray for you too. After all, we’re all dealing.